Dears,

                                               Adorable photo by Steve Wall

 

Do you know the thing that makes me post again? (It’s not to make an awful pun, by the way.) Restrain yourself from letting the word “geek” pop out of your mouth, but it was rereading my front page and discovering badly written sentences and grammatical errors. I couldn’t let those things profane the top of my blog any longer.

So. Hi friends. Popping into your blog reader for just a moment. To redeem myself. ‘Cause this paragraph is horrific. And fun.

And also to tell you a story now that it’s awkwardly late.  It goes something like this:

You know how you get an idea for a project in your mind and you can’t concentrate on much else? That happened when we got engaged and focusing hard on college sort of flew out the window. When it came to planning for the future vs. planning for the biggest party of my life, well, my poor “future” never stood a chance. It was a lot like that when we decided to have a baby. That was way back at the end of last summer, about the time I stopped posting. I was concentrating all of my energy on making some little spark ignite inside my body.

It worked too! Four months later, we had a special Christmas announcement. I was all set to start blogging in the new year with a whole new website and a slew of nursery ideas.  But this happened and that happened. The timing never worked out. I was feeling tired. I kept asking Sean, “Are you sure I’m pregnant? Is it really in there?” I wanted to be positive, and never is there another time in a girl’s life when feeling like crap is so very reassuring. Unfortunately, I wasn’t feeling quite crappy enough and one day at work I suddenly knew. Just two months new and our baby was gone.

Can I tell you something? I miss that little tiny growing thing inside me. I still cry sometimes when a conversation among our friends about their babies lasts a few hours too long or when a newborn is propped on a chair directly in my view at church. I know that some way, somehow being a mommy is going to be part of God’s purpose in my life and I can’t wait to get started. 

I also know that those two months and then the weeks following were among the biggest blessings I’ve ever known. I got to care for a little soul for two whole months! I got to nourish it and sacrifice for it while it grew and died inside me! I got to feel anguish, peace, and joy all at the same time. The night that I came home and knew the baby was gone will always be one of my worst and best memories because I felt God surrounding us inside of that nightmare like I’d never felt before. I couldn’t find words to pray at all. Instead, a record played in my head, “The Lord gives and takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Over and over. One can’t argue with God.

What happened to us is nothing particularly special. It happens all the time. Among a certain group of friends, every single one of us has lost our first baby.  Never, never would I wish it on anyone, but it is so precious to know we have a Comforter who makes all things good.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to be patient until we can try this thing again. We’re training for a 5k, planning our summer vacation, sewing curtains for the family room, hanging things on our walls, planting the garden, baking bread, and learning more about ourselves. It’s good to have another chance. I may continue to blog as the whim strikes. It’s fun making my own rules about that. If you’re still there, know that I appreciate it so very much!

Love,

Katherine

Neutral is Pretty

This time of year I tend to gravitate toward gentle, washed out colors: champagnes and grays, weather-worn wood and linen. When the year starts to look old and faded I guess I find inspiration in it. So right now I’m digging things like vintage button rings from Poetrie, white statues, and dresses with delicate lace waistbands. They seem so comfortable and well-loved. Just right for cooler weather, don’t you think? I’m having lots of fun right now decorating with black and white and vintage for the autumn months. What things are inspiring you this month?

My Autumn Swap

Hello dearies! I hope you are enjoying fall just as much as I am. We are living off of chocolate chip pumpkin bread and apple cider, working hard on our Halloween costumes, and just generally staying very happy (and busy!).

I thught that Nadia’s autumn swap was so completely perfect that I had to join in and I am very proud of myself for two reasons. One is that I actually got it into the mail before the deadline and the other is just that I would be beyond ecstatic if this package landed on my doorstep – so I’m hoping that means it’s a good one.

The rules were to send a book that I love, a photo or postcard with a quote, something from nature, and one other little treat. So, I found this beautiful old copy of Ivanhoe, which I waded through years upon years ago and completely adored, some cute fall stickers, a favorite photograph of mine, and a sachet filled with lavender and cedar from my backyard then nestled into a little bed of moss. My swapee is still a secret, but I do hope she likes it once it arrives!

How are you celebrating this season?

Turning 25

There were lots of highlights for this birthday including breakfast in bed, listening to Sean read a French story, book shopping, a game of Authors, pear and gorgonzola pizza, thrifting, pumpkin ice cream, quiet moments reflecting on Psalm 139, and gorgeous, sunny weather. Those of you who sent kind thoughts and gifts made it even better. Now, to see if my secret wishes for the year come true.

Handing Over My Glossies

I’ve made a sort of informal decision to let my magazine subscriptions run out and not renew them. I’m never quite able to find time to sort through and rip out the few pages that I want, so they pile up in stacks on my desk, at my bedside, and in the spare bedroom. Plus, when it comes to image filing I find the ones stored on my laptop much more accessible. And so, internally, I declared a revolution to only buy paper mags when I really feel the urge. Viva la sanity! We’ll see.

But thank goodness for virtual glossies like my favorites: Lonny and Papier Mache – better for the environment & simpler to access and save (even though this makes me feel like a complete traitor to my beloved print). How do you all feel about it? Do you prefer to hold your magazines in your hand or on your phone/laptop? I find my preference changes depending on my mood.

Of course, the really tricky part is distinguishing between getting inspiration and ideas from magazines (and blogs) vs. coveting everything in them. Sometimes I realize I’m happier not looking at them much at all!

By the way, the photos above are from Lonny’s new page dedicated entirely to bookshelves. Have you seen it? Won.der.ful.

Hand Dancers

Some randomness for you before you head for your pillows via my husby via my MIL. ‘Night!

Today I Cut Down a Tree

Never did that before. It was pretty sweet.

Goodbye little dead tree.

Next up on the tentative to-do list:

bread baking

dining table refinishing

fundraising

sweet potato pancake and mushroom soup making

foot bathing

old movie watching

book reading

sweet dreaming

Art Lessons

I tend to think it is a little strange that I never, never took an art class in all of my education. Take me to a museum and plop me in front of the impressionists or let my eyes meander among the Renaissance artists and I will be in raptures. If Anne Shirley comes to mind, you’ve got it about right. So we dreamed about taking an art class together, Sean and I, and this fall was just the time for fruition. We gathered our supplies, found the room, seated ourselves among a very small, friendly group of people, and arranged our pencils and paper.

Now, you have to understand that God and I have frequent conversations about certain fruits of the spirit that I lack – patience, self-control, loving who I am instead of comparing to/coveting the abilities of every last human on earth (well, I added that last one). I should have been thinking about how recently I had been praying for their development that night in that classroom. Unfortunately, I am not always so prepared.

Unfortunate because I soon realized that I was the only absolute beginner in a class comprised largely of professionals. Unfortunate because not far into staring hopelessly at the picture I was attempting to draw I was trying and failing not to do the unthinkable and cry in front of strangers. Very kind and encouraging artistic geniuses, relatively speaking, are not ideal when you are crying about the shading on a dead tree branch. Sorry. I would like to order a group of scribbling children please.

There I was furiously wiping tears from my nose, all because that dreadful shading and that classroom were visual representations of some of my strongest fears and imperfections. When the class was dismissing it took a good bit of coaxing before I would grudgingly sign my initials on that paper and own it.

Now don’t go telling me that for a first drawing it actually looks good. I won’t have it. That much I have firmly fixed in my mind. This is entirely an exercise in learning humility, growth from hard work as opposed to “natural” & immediate talent, patience to slow down and just try without turning envious eyes towards my husband’s paper.

Because sometimes blogging turns into a parade of false perfection and maybe someone else has these struggles too. And perhaps if I post my work from week to week it will remind us both of our progress from the inside out.

Share and Share Alike

This isn’t exactly a pretty post, but I have full faith that it can be. A dear friend and neighbor of my dad’s is about to lose his small dairy farm to the bank. The economy has not been gracious to him in recent years and the bank, being a business, has run out of patience. If nothing changes, this man, his wife, and youngest son will soon be homeless.

Will you do me an enormous favor and click over to read the whole story? Please donate if you can, but most especially pray that they will be wrapped in love, encouragement, and surety that there is One who cares for them. Also please, please, please spread the word by tweeting, facebooking, emailing, and blogging this link. There will be a hearing over the phone tomorrow (Thursday) with the bank and we are uncertain how things will look after that. Depending on how donations go, we may be able to buy some more time, so every little bit of help we can get will go a long way toward meeting our goal. Thank you so much!

Dear September

My favorite month has arrived after a long summer and I almost forgot to welcome it! Here’s to birthdays (ahem), campouts, cool nights, bountiful harvests, art class!, renewed energy, long walks, hot tea, new schedules, and warm cardigans. Here’s to ends of things and beginnings of things blithely combined, literature written on changing skies and brisk breezes; learning, growing, thinking, and doing. September is a wonderful plaything.

Image by Ricardo Cuppini

Book Summary: To The Lighthouse

Much as you would bravely try a new dish at your favorite restaurant, picking up Virginia Woolf’s To the Lighthouse is an exercise for fiction readers, worthy of a discerning palate. It is a novel that, though slim, is best read slowly to fully engage Woolf’s experimental stream-of-consciousness writing.

The story opens as six-year-old James is begging to visit the lighthouse across the bay. The Ramsay’s large family, along with a handful of visitors, is vacationing at their summer cottage in western Scotland and moody Mr. Ramsay immediately douses his son’s hopes by suggesting that the weather will be too bad to make the trip. Mrs. Ramsay, the beacon of the family and the entire narrative, soothes and orchestrates her family’s turbulent emotions, appearing at times angelic or manipulative. We follow the family and their guests through the afternoon and evening as they engage in various activities and finally come together for dinner, the story passing not so much in action as in a flowing of thoughts from one character to another while they observe and interact with each other, contemplating the interplay of mortality, art, and relationships.

An interlude, “Time Passes” includes some of the most beautiful, nearly lyrical writing I have ever read. The narrator is the wind, sweeping through the cottage after the Ramsay’s have left while time sweeps by until years have passed in just a few turns of the page. Deaths, marriage, war and success nonchalantly announce themselves in sudden bits of news until finally the family returns. Now, in the final part of the story, Mr. Ramsay makes a trip to the lighthouse with grown-up James and all of the characters attempt to resolve their feelings from the afternoon years before.

 To the Lighthouse is to be read for the story certainly, but especially for the psychology evoked by time and nature and for the use of art as perception. If you have ever wanted to wander through the ramblings of someone else’s mind, this is a lovely and challenging way to do it whilst exploring your own perceptions.

First edition cover via Wikipedia 

For some beautiful views of the Outer Hebrides, where the story takes place, visit here.

Visually Pretty Recipes

We’re heading out for the weekend, but before I go I wanted to share two websites that I love to search through for recipes. Getting me interested in a new recipe is all up to the accompanying photos, which is why TasteSpotting and Gourmet are so much fun. Try to get past the immense pile of delicious looking desserts by searching for more healthy main dish and side options. Go forth and cook!

Images via  Gourmet and TasteSpotting respectively.

Tutus Chic

Tutus for grown-up girls? Parties and date nights are just my excuses to play dress-up anyway. This lovely one is part of a line by Tutus Chic.

Why I Love This Week

The temperature is in the 70′s, twenty degrees cooler than the past two months.

I’m scheduled to work for two whole hours!!

Looking forward to plenty of rain.

Some cucumbers actually grew in our poor, neglected garden and I can pick them now.

My husband is the best cuddler in the whole world.

It’s starting to feel just a little bit like fall. Do you love fall too?

I have time to blog!!!

Granola

Oh dear, there simply is not time or energy to blog in the evenings anymore. Sometimes I can barely carry on coherent conversation by the time Sean picks me up after work. But, the summer will end soon enough and then maybe I will be able to have a little break after filling in for everyone else’s vacations. Until then, please forgive me if I only manage to blog once or twice a week. (And also, don’t worry. I’m not unhappy in the least; only very busy.)

But now I would like to encourage you to try making your own granola. I’ve read many a place that said oatmeal is the healthiest breakfast one can possibly eat, so here is the crunchy kind: easy to make and super for adding whatever flavors you like. I’ll point you to the recipe I’ve been using here. Just know that it’s very O.k. to experiment with any variety of nuts, dried fruits, flavored extracts, sugars (maple syrup, honey, molasses, brown sugar), and spices. One recipe is about the equivalent of a store-bought box of cereal, so create to your heart’s content. Happy breakfasting!